the hero's journey
I got one of those hero’s journey notebooks as a gift, and instead of doing what I would usually do—create some SMART goal that I can measure and achieve, like words written, pounds lost, money saved—I decided to have this kind of weird journey/test that I can barely articulate.
It feels to me like a classical hero’s journey is go to somewhere you’ve never gone before and do things you’ve never done before.
Since it’s unlikely I’ll be looking for the golden fleece in Greece in the next ninety days, I decided to use it as a mindset journey—one where I try on new attitudes for size. One where I let myself react to things differently—or when I notice my nonconscious behavior, I try to replace it with something new.
This work is messy, undefined, and hard to explain. So, I think it’s perfect for a modern hero’s journey.
I tried to articulate my idea to my therapist—that I want to reduce my anxiety by trying a new mindset.
One of the things I talked about with my therapist is how at the bottom of much of my anxiety is likely a fear of death. If you take anything—I argued/said—like, I’m worried that I’m going to do badly at work, then break down the fears, I get to a fear of death:
If I do badly at work, I won’t get paid, people will get mad, I won’t have the money to pay for my house or my family, and I’ll die.
(Yes, that escalated quickly. But I think you get the idea.)
But he parried back—it’s not death you’re afraid of. It’s life.
Wait, what?
Because death is a given. It’s over. (Or whatever your beliefs are, but it’s over.)
It’s the pain of living that I’m afraid of.
Ohhhh, shit. He’s right. It’s living with the pain, the discomfort, the anxiety and stresses. It’s the things that go differently than the way I want. It’s people reacting or acting out. It’s not having what my heart desires. It’s looking around at imperfection and making the choice to live my life grandly anyway. That’s what I’m afraid of.
So, I think that’s my hero’s journey.
To deal with, no, to face head on, my fear of life.
