Realizing it’s all in my power

Okay, I’mma get all ruby red slippers on my ass. (If that sentence makes sense to anyone but me—a sort of Wizard of Oz x Pulp Fiction mashup.)

Yesterday(?), I texted a friend complaining I felt like I had my nose pressed up to the window of success, but I wasn’t on the inside. (Echoes of my jealousy post from last year. )

I was feeling a little sorry for myself because I see how much I want to do and see how much work it is (fun, creative work, but not something that happens without putting in the time), and I can see the public success of others and get all sad. And I guess I was getting impatient. Why aren’t all my books written NOW? Why isn’t everything EXACTLY the way I want it NOW? (And the corollary, how come when I finally get what I want then it’s not enough and I need something new? That one’s the most difficult question of all. But I digress.)

Today, though. Today I awoke with new determination. Because I remind myself each morning that I create my days. I create the circumstances of my life. And if I want to bring the party outside (so I don’t need to be pressed up against the glass looking into anything), by golly I can.

There are no rules here as far as mindset goes. I’m the one in charge of my own mindset, and I can make it anything I want.

This takes some reminding, though. Because I do look around and see the gap between where I want things to be and I can focus on that gap.

Focusing on the gap between what I want and what I have usually leads to self-flagellation. But I know what to do.

In those circumstances, I have to look back at where I used to be and celebrate movement. Because my memory is short and it’s easy for me to forget the good. Weight lost, money saved, words written, books published, books read, laughter. I can forget that I used to have no books written and now I have many.

And then I can refocus and refresh myself. Remind myself why I do this anyway. (Hint: Because I like to write.) And then just focus on that writing.

Like Dorothy, I had the solution, the cure to my misery, with me all along. To just have my own party on the outside (and invite anyone to join me) instead of worrying about trying to get inside. The sunshine and fresh air feel good, anyway.