being kind makes you strong

These days, I am being very, very kind to myself. As I’ve written before, in the last six weeks, my grandmother died, two friends died, and my mother-in-law is on hospice. In addition, I’ve had a lot going on at work, plus I attended a significant weekend conference last weekend, plus it’s National Novel Writing Month so I’m writing another novel.

This is all a lot.

But I’m not doing anything else.

I’m not promising to be all things to all people. I’m not spending much time on social media (even though I love it). I’m not checking all emails. I’ll do it later. I’m taking time for myself and not forcing myself to show up to things where I’ll likely be in tears.

If I need to cry, I do it. If I need to read, I do it. If I want to listen to music or an audiobook, I’m doing it. We’re going easy on food—picking things up if we need it. I’m getting help.

I’m acutely aware of how brittle I’ve been feeling, and I’ve been doing extra-allowing behavior. Allowing in comfort, hydration, friendly words, and distraction. I’m letting myself wear comfortable clothes at home—living in hoodies. I’m still watching Scandinavian teen dramas because they are soothing.

I feel like treating myself like I’m “a precious object” is actually making me stronger.

Because I can face the grief.

I’m not shrinking into depression. I’m not avoiding memories. I’m acknowledging that it hurts, and also that I’m going through a lot.

Here’s the thing: I don’t think it has to be in these extraordinarily grief-stricken circumstances where I (or you) need to practice self-care.

You don’t have to do everything—hold the world on your shoulders like Atlas and also cook dinner and get straight As and have your house photo-ready.

Being kind to yourself makes you strong.