one skin too few

“It is important not to become hard. The artist must always have one skin too few in comparison to other people, so you feel the slightest wind.” Shusha Guppy

I feel better when I’m more vulnerable these days. But that also means that I feel “the slightest wind.” 

A paradox.

For a former depressive who numbed herself to all feeling, this is radical stuff. I was scared to feel the bad stuff, so I settled for not feeling anything at all.

Now I’m seeing value in the bad stuff. The bitchiness and anger. Sadness. Jealousy. Flares of hate.

But not just those. Feeling like I could get hurt. Like someone could find me and use whatever I write against me.

It also creates the best writing, though. The stuff readers connect to.

The stuff I want to read.

The work I want to write.

And if I have to be a bit closer to the nerve endings to do that. Well, fine. It’s worth it.