Business and Busyness.

I’ve fallen into the trap where I feel if I’m not creating, it’s a wasted day. That I must constantly be productive.

Accomplished.

Have something to show for the day.

Cross something off my list.

Bill time.

Write words.

Post a blog. (!)

Mail something. Tidy something. Organize something.

Call someone.

Get something done.

Then I (internally) yell at myself that this is bullshit. That part of creating is resting. That I don’t have to be always creating. I can consume every once in a while.

I can watch a documentary on Alexander McQueen followed by one on Raf Simons at Dior and then read a book on Coco Chanel—and it’s okay.

This is normal behavior.

But for me it’s hard to chill.

I have so many dreams and goals, and sometimes the pain of taking action is lesser than the pain of not acting. That moving toward my potential is more restful than resting. That I need to act to relax and not feel the anxiety of wasting my time.

Is that weird?

The twenty one pilots line, “Death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit,” always hits me hard. That’s how I feel. That I must be moving and creating and get out what I’m supposed to get out of me while I’m here. Before my time comes to die.

And I don’t mean to be so morbid about it, but I feel this constant pressure to get it out of my system and make the world more beautiful.

To express emotion like Alexander McQueen.

To step up to the plate like Raf Simons.

To do something new and radical—but oh so sensible and classic, like Coco Chanel.

But maybe posting this blog post is good enough for today, and I can go back to my fashion documentaries.